⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (5)

🎧🎧🎧🎧🎧(5)

Genre: contemporary literature 

Format: Audio via Libby (Jennifer Pickens)

Published: May 9, 2023 by St. Martin’s Press

Soundtrack: Risk by Gracie Abrams

I clearly remember the first patient I ever “lost.” A naive 3rd-year medical student, I entered the hospital one morning to find my favorite patient had died overnight. I was devasted not by her loss (she had been profoundly ill) but rather that after days of spending extra time in her room, she had died alone. Since then I have witnessed (and missed) hundreds of deaths from the traumatic to a peaceful departure in sleep. The immense privilege of working in a hospital and having the power to influence how one leaves this world remains a cherished part of my profession. The feeling of a soul leaving remains a constant even without a monitor, or the sights or smell of death to notify me of a loss. While being a physician has made me comfortable around death, the inevitability of it, and content with my own wishes; I have witnessed denial, profound grief, and radical acceptance of both my patients and their loved ones. In the Collected Regrets of Clover, Mikki Branner explores what it means to have a well-lived life and the seemingly disinterested approach we (especially those of us in Western countries) take towards death. 

I connected with Clover almost instantly. Her gift: providing comfort at the end of life and bearing witness to the final moments of those moving on to another world. Brammer so clearly captures the range of emotions I have seen around death, from rage to sorrow over the loss of life’s simple pleasures. In a conversation at the end of the audiobook, Brammer mentions that this novel was inspired by her own fears, and I think her prose captures experiences perfectly. Her writing is beautiful and descriptive and allows me to picture not only Clover but each of the people she ushered through dying. Clover is flawed and living a life full of fear while simultaneously trying to alleviate others’ fear of death. The contrast is inspiring to read, and her character development drove my love of this book. 

Picken’s narration added to the heaviness of this book and provided hope as Clover’s character began to experience the world with a renewed perspective. Her voice added to my enjoyment and truly allowed the listener to get into the head of Clover. 
I am not sure this would be a five-star read for everyone, but I think it is a must-read for anyone uncomfortable with death. The ability to accept death is such a rare but beautiful trait and something I wish I could provide to more of my patients and their families. This book touched a piece of me I rarely get to share with those outside of work, and I hope those who read 𝘊𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳  feel a pull towards a life filled with fewer regrets and more living.

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